Run Marth, Run!
by Eternal Smasher
Summary: Melee. Marth accidentally starts a food fight in a fancy restaurant. Every customer begins chasing him. From there, the chase gets crazy. Run Marth! Run for your life!
1. Phase 1: The Chase

_I recently witnessed many students in my school…and by many I mean close to 100…chase someone. I won't get into details. But afterwards, I was talking to my friend about a chase I made up. She suggested I write a story about it._

_Guess what I'm doing now. Go ahead, take a guess._

Marth was at a fancy restaurant, eating fancy food at a table outside. He was by himself, the way he liked it. The day was pleasant; warm, sunny, breezy, and…yeah. Nothing interesting happening. Just good fancy food, a nice tall glass of iced tea, and no craziness.

Until…it happened. Marth stood up because he had to go to the bathroom. He walked toward the door leading to the lobby of the restaurant. Though he thought nothing of it, he scraped someone's foot with his own.

"Hey! Hello, you stepped on my foot, bitch!"

Marth turned around in confusion.

"Excuse me?"

"My foot, jerk-off. You stepped on it."

"Really? Oh. Sorry." He continued walking to the bathroom. Then he got hit in the head with a slice of pie. He stopped walking. The guy that yelled at him chuckled. Angered, Marth picked up a nearby chicken wing and chucked it at his head. Unfortunately, that guy ducked and it hit the back of a woman's head.

"Oops." Marth tried to run to the bathroom, but he tripped. When his view changed from the floor to the customers, there was a massive food fight occurring. Tables had been overturned and waiters were being thrown. For some reason, there were explosions too. Marth took this opportunity to slowly crawl away, towards the short gate. He reached it with no trouble; no food hit him or his precious cape. He jumped over the gate and walked away, pretending he was minding his business. Then…it happened.

"There's the guy who started this! Get him!"

"Damn her…"

Everyone in the food fight jumped over the gate and started chasing Marth, who was running for his life. As the wave of people passed through the streets, more and more people joined in. Or got trampled. One or the other. Marth was only slightly quicker than these people, and only a few got pretty close to catching him.

Marth ran around a corner. The wave followed him.

Marth ran across a street. The wave followed him, stopping all cars.

"Oh, come on! I gotta find a hideout."

Marth found a hotel and ran inside. The wave broke through the two front doors. Marth unsheathed Falchion and ran toward a room door. He sliced it in half and went inside. There was a couple in the room, naked in the bed. The woman screamed as Marth jumped over the bed and out the window he tackled through. The wave of people still followed him, which now, for some reason, included the naked couple. They ran covered with a towel.

Marth spotted a playground. Maybe he could lose them there.

"Maybe I could lose them there."

I just said that. Anyway, Marth went in the playground, heading first for the swings. He picked up speed and jumped on the swing. That speed carried him up to a tree, which he jumped into. Now he could catch his breath as the angry mob surrounded the tree. He sighed when he regained it.

"I'll take care of this."

Marth, curious, looked down. The tree began to shake. For some reason, somebody had an axe and was attempting to chop the tree down. Marth had to think. He knew if the tree fell, it would fall right into the crowd, and he'd be done for. Why today, of all days? He looked around frantically. He spotted some power lines behind him. Yeah, power lines. That'd work.

"Yeah! Chop it down!" the mob roared. The tree fell. The empty tree fell, and the mob of 50-plus people was confused. They looked around. And then it happened.

"He's up on that pole! Get him!"

"Damn her!"

Marth slid down the wooden pole and continued running away. When he turned another corner, he spotted a bicycle. Victory. He jumped on it and sped away, running over its owner. Then the owner got run over by the angry mob, all of which mysteriously had bikes.

"You can_not_ be serious," he said, watching the mob and not where he was going. He crashed into a baby carriage, falling off of his bike. The mother of the shrieking baby screamed in horror. "Sorry miss!" Marth yelled, back on his bike and speeding away once more.

"What have you done to my-" Then she got run over. The baby disappeared.

Marth rode several blocks, then crossed another corner. The wave followed him, but the baby, who was also riding a bike (and didn't know how to turn) rode into the street and got hit by a truck. Marth winced. Then he stopped caring and headed for the train station. He went in, jumped off his bike, jumped over the turnstile, and got on the escalator. The mob did the same, trampling several people. As they endured the slow ride up, Marth turned around nervously.

The mob now contained 80-plus people. All of them were holding various weapons: slingshots, hammers, popguns, moles, red rubber balls, frying pans, pitchforks, green shells, etc. Marth looked up. The ride was almost done. He whimpered as the platform approached. As soon as his toe touched it, he took off and headed for the train. The angry mob, realizing they could just run up the moving stairs, followed him.

Marth ran into the first train car. The mob followed him as he ran in between cars. There were 15 of them. When he reached the back of the last car, he quickly jumped up to the roof, narrowly avoiding a pitchfork stab. Marth looked down.

"I hate suspended tracks."

He couldn't jump off even if he wanted to because the train was moving too fast. But this was a subway train, and it would have to go underground soon. Suddenly, an airplane flew overhead and dropped a bomb in front of the train. The entire front half was obliterated, and now, the train was plummeting into the street. Marth jumped onto the wooden side of the track, not looking behind him and covering his ears. The train landed with a thunderous thud, and several people below screamed. Marth unplugged his ears and turned around.

The mob was still there.

"He's still alive! Get him!"

"Shut up!"

Marth jumped off the track and onto the roof of a pizza shop. Where there was, for some reason, a motorcycle. He jumped on it, revved up, and drove into the street below. He began cruising. This motorcycle was pretty awesome. And blue. He would definitely take this back to the mansion. Wait, are they still behind him? He turned around.

Yep. All of them had motorcycles, too.

"This is f*cking ridiculous…"

_Ooh, motorcycle scene. Next chapter. Sorry._


	2. Phase 2: The Freeway

_Phase two of the huge chase thingie starts right now!_

Marth looked at his side mirror in horror. About 90-plus people were trailing him in motorcycles, all holding various weapons. And they were getting closer. Would he have to do battle while riding at the same time? He hadn't finished training for this type of thing. Oh well. He would have to improvise.

And fast.

"I got him!" a man yelled, throwing a pitchfork at Marth's back tire. He quickly steered left, avoiding it.

"Never mind," the man said.

"Barrage!" a woman yelled.

"Barrage?" Marth said. "They wouldn't…oh, that's not fair!"

Every pursuer began to launch their items at Marth. Marth whimpered a little, and then began evasive action.

He veered right and left, back and forth, for a good 7 seconds. Then the road began to turn. They were entering a freeway.

"Oh, crap…if this thing gets messed up, I'll be really angry!"

Everyone was on the right side of the eight-lane freeway. The launching of the items resumed. Marth drove in between two cars and ducked. Most of the objects hit the two cars. A knife punctured a tire of one car and caused it to swerve off the road. Marth stood on the motorcycle, jumped on top of the other car, picked up his motorcycle, and deflected all of the items thrown at him with Falchion. He even sliced through some items. Soon, someone threw a Bob-omb at the car. Marth drove off the car before it was blown to bits, and drove over the divider to the other side of the freeway. He dodged a truck by turning his motorcycle on its side and sliding under the trailer, and headed in the right direction. Most of the pursuers couldn't follow him, but some that were in the back of the pack drove over the divider and headed straight for Marth. He was able to slash the front tire off 1 of the 10 motorcycles. The other 9 missed and still trailed him.

They all had swords.

"This doesn't make any sense…"

One guy leaped off his bike and attempted to slice Marth in half. Marth turned his bike around and blocked the sword. 2 more dudes came on both sides of him. The dude Marth had blocked jumped on the back of another guy's bike. Both bikes closed in on him. Marth sped up. The dudes did the same, and still closed in. As soon as all three guys were about to take Marth's head off, he slowed down and quickly slashed the back tires of both bikes, causing them to wipe out.

There were still 6 left.

One of the 6 managed to catch up to Marth, and they got locked in close, mobile combat. They both dodged traffic along the way. Marth finally kicked the back of the motorcycle, knocking him off balance. One of the other dudes crashed into him by accident. They both ended up wiping out. Or dying. Pick one.

4 left.

One dude threw his blade at Marth. Utilizing that swordsman instinct, he caught the sword by the hilt and threw it behind him. He accidentally stabbed a guy in the head that was in a convertible. Luckily, the convertible mowed down the remaining motorcycle dudes. Unluckily, they all ended up inside the car, they had regained control of it, they had discarded the dead driver, and they were headed toward Marth at high speed.

"…Damn."

Marth sped up, but the convertible was just as fast as, if not faster than, the bike. But Marth had an idea. He hadn't practiced this, but he had no choice. He drove his motorcycle on top of the freeway divider, and began driving on top of it, with impeccable balance. The convertible was a few feet back, right next to the divider. Soon Marth approached a lamppost. He prepared himself. He revved up and gripped the bike tightly with his legs. When he approached the lamppost, he grabbed it with both arms, spun around it, and, using his legs, propelled the bike toward the convertible. It landed inside. The remaining dudes were crushed under the bike, and the car crashed into several other cars and exploded. Marth landed on top of the divider, slightly dizzy. He sat down on the divider and observed the burning wreckage he had created. He screamed out in frustration.

"They made me do that…to my bike…"

He sighed and wondered how he would get back to the mansion. Then that plane came back and dropped another, bigger bomb several hundred feet away from him. A slow wave of fire was coming towards him.

"Oh, come on!"

He looked around desperately, looking for a way to escape. He soon found it. A grate near the divider, which probably led to the sewers.

"I'd rather be stinky and alive than…the other thing."

He sliced open the grate and slid inside right before a truck would've hit him. As he fell, he wondered:

"Is the chase over?"

He landed in ankle-deep sewage water. He looked straight ahead. 80-plus people, 70 feet in front of him, looked back at him.

"That guy avoided the bomb too! Get him!"

Marth whimpered.

_Phase 3 coming soon. Well, soon compared to this phase._


	3. Phase 3: The Call

_Now begins Phase 3. How many phases will there be? We will see._

The thick, filthy sewage splashing all over his pants was incredibly gross and nauseatingly stinky. But the large mob chasing him required him to keep running. Since the chase had resumed, he felt like a rat in a disgusting maze. The number of corners seemed infinite, and they did nothing to throw the mob off track. And he hadn't found a single manhole in several minutes, so all the running was beginning to get on his nerves.

"Ow!" He had just been hit in the head by a ketchup bottle.

"It's no use running! Take your hits like a man, and this will all be over!" a man yelled, his voice echoing.

"If I stop, you _all_ will be sliced to bits! And I have no desire to kill! Anyone else!"

"Fine! We'll just keep chasing you then!" a female yelled.

Marth groaned and turned another corner. At last! A manhole cover! There was no way that each pursuer could be as thin as he was, so they'd be stuck down there for a while. He skidded to a stop right below the thick, metal cover and jumped up, slicing through it and narrowly missing being stabbed by a knife. He landed in a busy street, above the open manhole. Much growling and angry yelling came from the sewer. Marth made a face at them and was about to catch a cab back to the mansion.

Instead, he had to stab through the front window of a sightseeing tour bus speeding towards him. He landed on his back in the aisle. Everyone on the lower level, including the driver, stared at him in shock and awe. Marth stood up and dusted himself off, then looked around.

"…Sorry about the…being chased by…yeah…"

Marth proceeded to walk up to the upper level of the bus, while everyone on the lower level, including the driver, took pictures of him. Most of the upper level riders did the same, but Marth didn't mind at all. Getting back to the mansion was his number one priority. Well, besides surviving, of course.

Which was about to become even more difficult.

Several feet before the bus, smoke could be seen rising out of another manhole Marth wondered why he hadn't seen before. It was a large amount of smoke as well. Marth started to slowly back up, while the riders pointed to the smoke and murmured.

For a split-second, Marth lost his sense of hearing. A fairly large explosion created a fairly large hole in the street. Cars fell into the 30-foot-deep hole, and the bus was teeming on the edge, about to dive in as well. The riders cried out in terror, for the bus looked like it would fall on its top. Marth ran to the back and grabbed a bar. The bus began to fall in a way similar to the Titanic's sinking, save for speed. Marth jumped over the bar, landed on the back window, and jumped off that, landing in the street. The bus fell on its front, knocking the top riders to the floor. Then the large vehicle crushed them.

Marth sighed. "What _can't _these people do?"

70-plus people climbed out the manhole 3 blocks away, and quickly noticed Marth.

"He survived the explosion! Get him!" It was faint, but Marth could still hear her. Right then, he thought of something that might help him.

He needed to get to a phone. There was a phone booth on the sidewalk to the left of him. He rushed inside and pulled out a quarter from his pocket. He jammed it in the slot and rapidly dialed the mansion's number. The phone rang once.

"Come on, come on, I don't have time for this…"

The phone rang again. The mob was a block away.

The phone rang again. Fox picked up.

"Hello?"

"Fox! It's Marth. Listen, do you think you can fly your Arwing down here and pick me up?"

"It doesn't hold passengers-"

"I don't care! I'll ride on the top if I have to! Please! About 70 people are trying to catch me and kick my ass, or kill me! And I'm not _killing_ anyone. Else."

Fox sighed. "You're hopeless, you know that? Okay, where are you?"

Marth observed nearby street signs. "I'm on Eagle Ave. between 89th and 90th. But if you fly over the city and see a huge group chasing me…you know what to do. Ahh!" He ducked to avoid a flaming green shell that shattered the booth's glass. "I gotta go!" He slammed the phone on the hook and ran away as the group ran around the hole and started chasing Marth through many alleyways.

Marth jumped over a person dusting off his mat on his back steps. The wave swallowed him.

Marth ran across a street and into another alleyway. The wave stopped all cars just like before.

Marth performed a wall kick (oooooooooh…) and climbed up a fire escape ladder. There was lots of growling and angry yelling from below. Marth followed the steps all the way to the roof and caught his breath. It would only be a matter of time before the mob discovered a way to enter the building and get to the top. Marth took this time to sit on the roof's ledge and wonder exactly how the hell all this happened.

_Hey! Hello, you stepped on my foot, bitch!_

"This world is so on edge…"

Faint, rapid footsteps could be heard.

"Where the hell is Fox?"

The door busted open to reveal the mob. Duh.

"So, blue guy, how are you getting out of this?" a guy in the back asked.

"Boy, I wish I knew…"

The mob charged toward him. Marth decided to try what he saw in so many action movies involving people on roofs and their lives being at stake.

Then he changed his mind and simply jumped onto the other roof.

"Goddamn it! We can't jump like that!" a guy yelled.

Marth made a face at them and noticed that an Arwing was on its way. "Well, this has been fun, but I have a life to get back to. You'll see me on the Smash Network!" Marth jumped onto the Arwing while it passed and he took off.

"I don't have cable!" a male mobster yelled.

In order for Marth to hang onto the fast-moving spaceship, he had to stab through a wing and hold on to his sword. Fox was mad at this, but he would repair it as soon as he got back to the mansion.

The chase was over.

"Fox, thanks for coming to get me!" Marth yelled, brimming with happiness.

"Yeah, whatever," Fox answered.

8 minutes later

Fox landed his ship in the back of the mansion. Marth un-pierced his blade and proceeded to walk through the back door. Fox groaned and began repairing the narrow hole Falchion created. Right before Marth even grazed the doorknob, fierce whooshing was heard overhead. Marth and Fox looked up.

70-plus people were flying in the sky on jet-propelled hover boards, traveling like a flock of birds. They turned in unison and dived toward Marth. Fox chuckled.

Marth jacked his Arwing.

"I'm jacking this!" Marth said as he closed the cockpit and flew away. The flying mob followed him. Fox shouted out in frustration.

"You better bring that back, you hear me? BRING IT BACK!" Fox sighed. "I'm gettin' a burger."

_Phase 4 is on its way. Just when it was almost over…_


	4. Phase 4: The Boards

_I'm letting you know now. My update habits for this story reflect those of The PIE Chronicles when I was still writing it. That means this story won't be _too_ long. I don't think I'll go past Phase 6._

_With that being said…Phase 4! Totally aerial chase!_

Marth had been flying straight up for a long time. He wanted to fly so high that his pursuers would eventually pass out from lack of oxygen. But if they started falling from the sky into the city, he'd be to blame. He'd already been blamed for enough.

"You bastard! Just give up!" a female yelled.

"Never!"

Marth corrected his flight and began flying west. The wave of hoverboarders followed him. The only reason Marth was such a good pilot was that this wasn't the first time he'd jacked an Arwing. That library book would've been 5 minutes overdue. He had no choice.

The hoverboarders all pulled out rocket launchers. From their pockets.

"That's _wrong._"

Marth performed some heavy-duty barrel rolls to dodge the rockets and some nifty loops to dodge the explosions. He dropped some bombs here and there to distract the homing rockets. Soon there were so many simultaneous explosions; a huge cloud of smoke lodged itself between the Arwing and its followers.

Marth sighed and turned on the radio. For some reason better left unknown, it was on an opera station. He slashed the radio in half and looked ahead.

A hoverboarder sat on the Arwing's nose. He waved at Marth. Marth hesitantly waved back. The hoverboarder opened the cockpit with a crowbar and proceeded to get into fisticuffs with the swordsman. This caused the Arwing to go totally out of control and nosedive. The two fell out of the cockpit, the hoverboarder still trying to kick Marth's ass. Marth soon kicked him away and noticed the incredible height from which he was falling. 589 feet to be exact. 589.42 feet to be even more exact.

Marth whimpered, wondering if anything would save his life. Luckily, he landed on the head of a female hoverboarder, who lost some control.

"Get off my head!" the female yelled.

Marth balanced on the hoverboard and threw the lady onto another one. Then he began flying away from the flock.

"He jacked one of our hoverboards! Get him!"

Marth sighed and dived back towards the city. The flock, of course, followed him. It was a long dive. 37.834 seconds long. Several times, Marth almost fell. Once, he almost got shot. But once he reached the busy street several hundred feet below him, there would be a high-speed chase.

"Fox is gonna kill me if these guys don't first."

They zoomed past and over cars, buses, and under some trucks. A left turn here, 70-plus hoverboarders flying over a parade. 3 actually crashed into a huge Pichu balloon and bounced of its head.

A right turn here, 70-plus hoverboarders flying up to avoid a dead end. Then a roof chase started. Marth was actually a very good grinder (he didn't actually touch the rail, but it counted to hoverboarders) and grinded from roof edge to roof edge. The pursuers followed his every move. Soon Marth descended into an alleyway. Only 20 of the 70-plus managed to make that steep dive. The rest crashed and/or (probably) died.

Marth zoomed back into a street, almost hitting a bus.

"Sorry! Why won't these guys quit? I need something to get rid of the boards, but what?"

Marth looked around for any types of weapons or physical projectiles. Flying past many garbage cans, he grabbed some various things that could be good throwing items: a garbage can, a stick, a beach ball (came from a little girl, not the garbage), a Frisbee, a keyboard, an old water bottle (1-liter), and a watch. Marth slowly turned around and began throwing.

The water bottle was slapped away.

The Frisbee was caught and thrown away.

The beach ball actually hit a board, causing it to crash into three others and explode.

The watch hit someone in the eye, knocking them to the floor.

The stick bounced off one board and lodged itself in the left booster of another, where it burned into ash.

The keyboard tripped the woman Marth landed on earlier, causing her to fall.

The garbage can bowled over 2 boarders.

Now, only 13 pursuers remained. Marth sighed in relief.

Then screamed in surprise when he noticed he had flown over a dock.

Then groaned when his face was buried into the mast of a ship.

_Phase 5 has to do with…you guessed it. Water. However shall this end? Sorry this chapter was shorter than normal.  
_


	5. Phase 5: The Canal

_Just one chapter left after this (most likely). A chase of epic proportions will epically end. And…_

Marth looked over the edge of the ship he had just crashed into. The 13 pursuers that remained were catching up fast. He quickly looked around.

"Ski-Doo."

Marth took a Ski-Doo from the deck (ignoring the owner's incoherent rambling), pushed it into the water, and jumped on it. He hurt his groin a little, but there were, like, bigger problems at hand. He sped off; thank goodness he took those classes two days ago. He had to get back to the mansion, against whatever odds were left.

The 13 pursuers all had Ski-Doos, and were tailing him. Marth didn't even bother questioning it this time.

Up the canal they went. It ran right through the city, and ended somewhere near the mansion, luckily. Marth crashed through the middle of a 6-man canoe, hitting and/or killing the two in the middle. The 13 took care of the terrified, remaining ones.

Marth hit a ramp. He flew above an overpass in slow motion, slicing through a piece of the barricade. It fell and hit a pursuer in the face, knocking him into the water. A young boy pointed at Marth in slow motion, mouthing the word "cool". Then regular motion resumed and the 12 sped away.

"That girl was hot," the young boy said.

Two of the pursuers were trying to hit Marth with (stolen) paddles. Marth was able to dodge them narrowly and consistently. Soon, one hit the other into the water. Thank goodness he took those classes yesterday.

Some of the pursuers that had fallen before were now standing over the edges of the canal walls, throwing objects at our victim. The same objects he encountered on the freeway and when he made the phone call. Fox was gonna be pissed. Anyway, Marth swatted most of them away with his sword. The ones that were fruits he caught and ate. The paddle hit him in his stomach. He keeled over, causing the Doo to make a circular turn. With Falchion extended, he expertly, accidentally, sliced the handlebars off 4 Doos. Their drivers fell in the water.

"Have my children!" the young boy cried out, following him on a motor scooter. That wasn't his.

"Not now!" Marth meant to say that he was a guy, but ended up saying that. He had, like, bigger problems at hand. The mansion was close. His pursuers were closer. Eventually they boxed him in in an attempt to finally kick his ass. Marth had noticed something the others did not. But how would he avoid it? He could only think of one possible way.

He drove straight down. He actually managed to make it underwater, and his pursuers continued. Into a dock. A concrete dock. Marth resurfaced and chuckled at the 8 people, some dazed in the water, some dazed on the dock. He continued towards the mansion. But his problems weren't over-

"You're hot!" the young boy and his friend called out, both on the same scooter.

…But his problems weren't over yet. Former chasers started trying to actually jump on him, so it was like a rain of hatred, fury, and people. Their aim was bad, luckily. Some people got their feet stuck on the wall when they jumped. But he didn't have anything to worry about. The mansion was only a minute away.

* * *

55 seconds later

A gang of 23, now driving motorcycles again, followed Marth to the mansion's front door. He rammed it open, fell, and quickly got back up, like a cat. The motorcycles drove inside the mansion. Marth ran inside the dining room, panting like crazy. Zelda was intrigued.

"What happened to you?"

Marth pointed to himself, the motorcycles, and continued catching his breath. Zelda heard loud revving and teleported up to her room. The motorcycles slowly approached Marth, like leopards. Marth slowly moved back and unsheathed Falchion. This is where it would all end.

Ness decided to break in his new digital camcorder by taping this great event.

_A chase inside the Smash Mansion. How could this possibly end? How will the tape come out? Will Marth have to resort to…killing them? We shall see._

_The next chapter will be long, by my standards._


	6. Final Phase: The Mansion

_Here it is. The grand chase comes to a potentially shocking close. And this chapter, like I said, will be long (by my standards anyway). Let's get it over with._

"Ooh, I hope this comes out good."

Ness rested his back against a wall. This would be his safe zone, the vantage point for the videotaping of the greatest chase climax in the Smash Mansion's history. Eventually he'd have to move, but this opening shot was, in all senses of the word, flawless. The motorcycles still closed in, and Marth was still backing away, prepared to slice if necessary. So dramatic. Probably worth so much money.

A bike revved once. Marth quickly shifted. The 23 resumed their chase. Marth cartwheeled, slashing the tire (in half) of one of the bikes in front. That rider joined another. Marth ran past the dining room into the kitchen. He grabbed several small knives from the counter and continued running towards a short hallway. The motorcycles trailed him. The knives were blindly thrown backwards at a low trajectory. Two tires popped; one of them belonged to the bike carrying two people. They gave up, while the other rider joined an ally.

Marth approached the game room. It was of moderate size and, luckily, a closet was on the way. An ingenious plan formed in Marth's mind. (Ness was still following and taping, atop a bicycle he "rented" from a bike shop.)

Marth opened the closet all the way and ran into the game room. The pursuers, along with Ness, began ravaging the large pantry closet. Marth chose to hide between two arcade machines in the back. But stealth was a problem here. He wasn't alone.

The Ice Climbers, Roy, and Pichu were already playing.

"Marth? Why are you-"

Marth tried to shush Roy without making noise.

"Marth, do you know where that revving was coming from?" Pichu asked unfairly loudly.

Marth angrily sighed. Then all 5 of them heard faint talking from the next room.

"He's not in here. He's in the room next to this one."

"Crap. That was a good-ass distraction."

"Hey kid, you pissed at that fag too?"

"Um, I'm just taping…"

"Why are we still talking about it? Let's finally kick his ass."

There was brief silence. Then:

"Marth, since when'd you become gay?" asked Nana.

The pursuers busted through the wall, knocking a pinball machine on top of Pichu. Marth made a mad dash for the exit. He'd have to try somewhere else…

The courtyard. It'd probably be easier to lose them in that huge thing. It _was_ big (about 97 acres wide), and it had plenty of bushes near the back. A pseudo-labyrinth. Perfect.

Marth kicked the glass back doors open. Technically, he kicked and broke the glass back doors. Then he ran. A straight path 7 acres long, which the motorcycles (and Ness) followed. (In case you wanted to know, the movie was coming out fantastically.) Right after they crossed the tiny bridge, Marth jumped into the bushes, which, for some reason, didn't have too many branches. The pursuers drove through the bush as well.

Marth was gone.

"Oh, great. A pseudo-labyrinth," a guy said, shaking his head.

"This is like the 6th time this month!" a girl said, tightly gripping Ness' neck. She was promptly paralyzed.

* * *

Meanwhile, Marth was hiding in an isolated section of the courtyard; a small clearing with a small pool and a small bench. And flowers. Here, Marth sat and waited. The engines were faint. Which got him thinking…why in the name of Master Hand did this chase last as long as it did? Did all of these people really have nothing better to do? Or was it something more? An assassination attempt, perhaps? No, that was a foolish notion. They were probably just really, really pissed off.

Marth sighed and looked at the sky. Why him…?

The engines got louder and closer. Marth stood up.

"Gotta get further away from them…" He began to continue his run. He made a left. He went straight. He went to the left. He went to the right. He went straight. He made a right. He encountered Ness.

"Smile for the camera!"

Marth jumped over him and went straight. He made a right. He encountered a pursuer.

"Guys! I found- hey!"

Marth sliced off the handlebars and ran past her. The other engines still approached. Seriously, it was like being stalked by several…yeah, it's another cat reference. Some people stood atop their bikes to get a better view. Marth had to duck to avoid them. He made a left, and then a right. He encountered another biker. He turned and began running through the bushes again.

"Hey! That's cheating! Okay. Fine."

Marth continued running. The pursuers imitated Marth's run. Some of them almost grazed Marth's legs. But he made it out safely, with Ness right behind him, still taping. They both went the 7.762 acres back to the mansion. Marth needed somewhere else to run. Upstairs. Where all of the Smasher's rooms resided. Maybe one of them could help.

"Hey, baby, remember us?"

The two young men were sitting on a large couch in the foyer. Marth raised an eyebrow.

"…I'm not a girl."

"So?"

Marth ran upstairs, disgusted, while Ness taped the two on the couch.

"Smile for the camera!"

"You want some of me, big-headed boy?"

Both guys were promptly paralyzed. Ness followed Marth's run on foot. The bikers drove upstairs on their bikes.

First room: Nana's. Empty. Useless. Pink.

Second room: Luigi's. Occupied by Luigi. Marth ran inside.

"Marth, what's that revving?"

The motorcycles came. They all chased Marth around the entire room within 6 seconds. They passed as a storm would. Everything was all discombobulated (it's an actual word!), and Luigi was sad. Ness, of course, got it on camera and continued after Marth.

Third room: Roy's. Empty. Regal. Useless.

Fourth room: Fox's- uh, moving on.

"Hey, you bastard. Where's my Arwing, huh? Huh?" Fox power-walked after him…and was run over by a bunch of motorcycles.

Fifth room: Kirby's. Occupied by Kirby and Pikachu, who were watching TV.

"Can I borrow this?" Marth picked up the 13" TV set and chucked it at the pursuers. It hit a bike, shocked it, and blew up. Kirby and Pikachu just stared, while Marth continued running. Ness got the explosion and continued after Marth. Kirby and Pikachu stared at each other, then they both suddenly ran after the chase.

Sixth room: Yoshi's. Empty, tropical, and smelling great.

Seventh room: Captain Falcon's. Falcon was doing a test-run simulation in his Blue Falcon. Marth skipped it.

Eighth room: Link's. Link was quietly playing his ocarina with his younger self. The engines slaughtered the harmony of the moment. And severely messed up Link's room. He didn't know Marth had stolen several of Link's bombs.

Ninth room: Mr. Game & Watch's. Technically another dimension. Technically empty. Marth began the bomb assault. He dropped one by his feet and threw the other 2 over his head. They didn't explode. Because they weren't lit, nor did they hit anybody.

"They're always lit when Link pulls them out..."

Tenth room: Linen closet.

_Real _tenth room: Falco's. Occupied by a sleeping Falco. The chase woke him up, and in a fit of grumpiness, he started blasting all of the bikes. Yes. He slept with his Blaster. Anyway, all the shooting cut the number of pursuers in half, leaving...uh...half of 19...leaving 9 riders. Plus Ness, Kirby, and Pikachu.

Eleventh room: Popo's. Empty, blue, and freezing.

Twelfth room: DK's. Occupied by DK eating a banana and doing one-armed push-ups. Wasn't much to use in there, so it was skipped. DK observed the chase, shrugged, and fell on his stomach. Cause you can't shrug and do one-armed push-ups at the same time.

Thirteenth room: Peach's. Pretty. Pink. Occupied by Peach and Zelda, who were talking about what Zelda had earlier witnessed. And now, re-witnessed.

"Is there no one else that can help?" Marth inquired.

Fourteenth room: Bathroom.

Real fourteenth room: Samus's. She was on the Internet, surfing the Web with her suit, searching for some upgrades. She paid no attention to the chase, and Marth paid no attention to Samus.

Fifteenth room: Jigglypuff's. She was practicing her singing. Those that knew her unfortunate gift covered their ears. The one idiot that didn't fell asleep on their bike and drove off the balcony. There was an explosion. For no reason.

Sixteenth room: Bowser's. He was watching his soaps, and when the chase passed, he got mad. He wanted to burn them all, but he was too slow, so he continued watching.

Seventeenth room: Dr. Mario's (office). He was on break. Marth would probably see him later...

Eighteenth room: Pikachu's. Cute and empty, of course.

Nineteenth room: Zelda's. Elegantly unoccupied.

Twentieth room: Young Link's. Simple and empty.

Twenty-first room: Mewtwo's. For cheap humor, he crushed one bike with his bare mind and put that rider in a coma.

Twenty-second room: Ness's. Average, 13-year-old boy's room (a replica of his old one). And empty.

Twenty-third room: Pichu's. Cute and empty, of course.

Twenty-fourth room: Ganondorf's. Dark, ominous, smelly, and empty.

Twenty-fifth room: Mario's. Mario was eating leftover ziti, and was in his own little world.

Twenty-sixth and final room: Marth's. Also regal, and blue. Marth ran to his large window and opened it. Looking down, he realized that the mansion was taller than he thought. Jumping would be suicide.

He was cornered. His only choice...was to kill, or mortally wound. The 7 that were there jumped off their bikes and slowly, dramatically approached. Ness was searching for the best angle. Kirby and Pikachu were giggling. This was it.

"You've had this coming to you for a _long_ time," the guy in front said.

"Yeah. You're gonna pay," the last girl said.

They got closer. Marth gulped and slowly, unsteadily started to unsheathe Falchion. Ness zoomed in on his sweating face.

"No escape for you..." a dude chimed in.

Closer.

"Stay back. I don't want to kill/mortally wound any of you."

"You wish," the "leader" stated.

Closer. Marth gulped again.

"You're gonna regret ever..."

One step back?

"What'd he do again?"

"He stepped on some dude's foot and caused a riot."

"Oh, yeah! What happened to that guy?"

"I think he got killed in that explosion."

"For real? What the hell are we doing then?"

"...Uh.."

Marth sheathed Falchion and raised an eyebrow.

"Eh, I don't wanna do this anymore."

"WHAT?" Marth, Ness, Kirby, and Pikachu asked in shock.

"Sorry man. We were just caught up in the moment. The 4-hour-long moment..." the "leader" apologized. Marth picked his jaw up. He had absolutely nothing to say.

"Dude, I missed work and my soaps..."

"I'm going home. I'm hungry."

The 7 walked toward the doorway, chatting. Then, a plane hovered by Marth's window. The same damn plane. Marth ducked. The plane gunned down the remaining "pursuers". Blood covered Kirby's entire body; he shuddered and fainted. Pikachu just ran away.

"And thus ends the Mansion's Great Chase. Copyright PK Productions." Ness turned off his camera and walked away, laughing. The plane flew away.

Marth observed the corpses by his doorway. So many feelings popping up at once. Anger. Relief. Surprise. Joy. Confusion. More anger. Unsatisfaction. Fear. Just...wow. The Wow manifested itself in a deep, long groan. Marth dropped his sword and slowly walked to his bed. His face had little life left in it. He buried himself in his mattress.

Fox appeared in the doorway, covered with tire tracks.

"Hey Marth. Come here. I wanna talk to you."

Marth let out the Wow once more.

* * *

_The end. Who saw that ending coming? Well, this was fun. Always feels good to end a good story on a weird, semi-anti-climactic note...yep..._


End file.
